Sunshine: A story from the past

I recently found this column that I wrote in my junior year of high school. This is the reason I hate squirrels to this day:

We had planned a perfect day. A picnic at the park followed by the zoo, a carousel ride, and paddle boating.

            We chose a picnic table that was right under a big oak tree, and I passed out sandwiches; a turkey Swiss for Jackie, a peanut butter and jelly for Gloria.

We sipped on our bottled water, sat back, and enjoyed the unusually great weather.

Suddenly, our party of three became four.

A cute squirrel sat up on the table, so close I could touch it. Jackie pulled out a camera to get this unusual shot.

            The squirrel crept closer, and became less cute. This squirrel was hungry, and would do anything to eat.

In that moment, I saw the face of pure evil.

I did not want to share my leftover birthday cake with some rodent, so I sacrificed a Cheeto to make the evil squirrel leave me alone. The squirrel left us, chased after it, and we thought all was well.

            In a matter of minutes, the squirrel had created an army. Twelve ducks, fifteen squirrels, and countless birds had circled around us. There was no escape.

            The animals continued to crowd us, but I did not want to give in.

Something inside me snapped. I wanted my peanut butter sandwich.

I wanted to enjoy my lunch. I did not want to be harassed and taken advantage of by wild animals.

I popped up from my seat, and ran around flailing my arms.

I screamed, I kicked, I scared my friends.

Pigeons scattered through the cloudless sky, ducks hobbled as fast as their webbed feet would allow, squirrels escaped into the trees.

We thought the world was at peace. I went back to enjoying my lunch.

Jackie’s mouth opened wide as she pointed up at the sky.

I looked up, searching; no planes, blimps, or kites.

I looked into the trees, and there it was.

My arch nemesis Evil Squirrel perched up in the tree.

We faced off. My eyes squinted as we made contact. At this point, it was either the squirrel or me.

I began to beat the tree, shake the tree, and kick the tree. This squirrel was fearless; it simply looked down at me and scoffed.

I tried throwing acorns up at it, but the branch was too high. Somehow, I knew that squirrel was laughing at me.

I was terrified. The squirrel had won.

I packed up my lunch, grabbed my friends, and propelled my legs as far away as possible.